A Government Shut-Down, A Sports Metaphor, and a Disgusted Housewife

These are not teams, this isn’t a game, and the only loser is you. There it is. My two cents on the topic of the government shut down. If you’d like the $1.99 version keep reading and stick with me, I promise to bring it full circle.

            I love competitive sports (o.k., in truth I love one sport, but you get the idea). I am not alone either, sports play an important role in our society.  Aside from being fun and entertaining they also serve as a means of transmitting our values (which is why they are so often used as metaphors for other things). Our love of competition is deeply rooted in our belief in fair play, teamwork, and justice (and of course winning).  Furthermore, if you are a fan of any pro sport, then you know that there is a lot of emphasis placed on loyalty. No true fan jumps ship over a bad season, or even a string of bad seasons. You stick by your team offering both emotional and financial support. You deal with as many bad seasons as necessary because you know, in your heart, that the day will come when your team will once again rise to the top. Loyalty is a good thing… sometimes. Sometimes loyalty, like love, can be blind. Our unwavering loyalty can cause us to depend more on our emotions than our minds and that blinds us to the larger reality. Sometimes it causes us to blame the other team, or even the other team’s fans. It keeps us from seeing that our team might need to make some very real changes.  Maybe we are holding on to players who just don’t have the necessary skill set. Maybe we have players who possess a lot of talent but have forgotten that they’re part of a team. Maybe we need to address leadership issues.  Maybe this team just isn’t the same team we fell in loyalty with in the first place.

This metaphor isn’t complicated. I am sure you understand where I am going with it, so I will not waste a lot of time trying to tie what I just said to the current situation in congress. Actually, I will not spend any time on it at all. The real problem is just how easy that metaphor comes. Our current two-party system has led us to a place where we treat the running of this country like a competitive sport. We choose our teams and we dig in, ready for a fight to the finish, one in which someone has to lose so that someone can win. That’s not what I want for my country. I want a government that recognizes that most of its people are standing neither to the extreme right nor extreme left but somewhere in the middle. I want parties that recognize that it is their job to meet me where I stand and not the other way around. I want politicians who spend less time convincing me that I should support their liberal or conservative agendas and more time working with each other to find some ground we can all agree on. I didn’t draft a player, I chose a representative. I want debate, compromise, and when necessary bargains, but not competition. As long as our representatives can continue to convince us that we only have two options we will continue to be the only losers. What is happening in congress today is both disgraceful and unacceptable. Yet, I know, that few if any of our representatives will be made to answer for this mess.  Like overly zealous fans we will blame the other guy for our losses, and we will vote AGAINST him instead of FOR a representative that actually represents us (click here if you want to better understand why I think this is a problem). Since we believe that we only have two options everybody stays.

Maybe we can’t all win in sports, but this isn’t a sport. There isn’t and shouldn’t be a limit to the number of players on the field. The democrats and republicans are not teams and if we don’t demand change, we all lose. To quote a meme a friend posted today  “May I suggest the first 535 layoffs?”  

Things you can and should do:

Inform yourself.  The links below are good non-partisan places to start.

FactCheck.Org (a nonpartisan, nonprofit “consumer advocate” for voters that aims to reduce the level of deception and confusion in U.S. politics. They monitor the factual accuracy of what is said by major U.S. political players in the form of TV ads, debates, speeches, interviews and news releases)

OpenSecrets.org (The Center for Responsive Politics is the nation's premier research group tracking money in U.S. politics and its effect on elections and public policy. Nonpartisan, independent and nonprofit, the organization aims to create a more educated voter, an involved citizenry and a more transparent and responsive government.)

Tax Foundation (Founded in 1937, the Tax Foundation is the nation’s leading independent, non-partisan organization providing sound research and analysis on federal and state tax policy. This link is to an article about what happens when there is a shutdown.)

Be Heard. If you’re not happy contact your representative, your senator, and even the president. The links below can help.

Find Your Representative (address, phone and links to email)

Find Your Senator (address, phone and links to email)

Contacting the White House (links are here but the page claims that the shut down may affect the ability to respond. Try anyway.)

Know Your Options.

Democratic Party

Republican Party

Constitution Party

Green Party

Libertarian party

A much more comprehensive list

The Housewife's Top 5 Political Sites

So you just realized that elections are less than two weeks away and you still don't know who to vote for. Maybe you're a procrastinator or maybe you simply find all the contradictory information confusing. Well, I'd like to offer some assistance. Below you will find a linked list of my top 5 sites for election season, all of which I used to assist in the making of my own decision. If you find them as helpful as I did then please share them with you're friends as well. There is no reason to flip a coin, you can become an informed voter in far less time then you think. Good luck and happy voting!

1.     www.isidewith.com

This is the site of my favorite presidential election quiz. While I don’t recommend using this site to make your big decision, I do recommend using it as a jumping point to your research. Just remember to rate how much each issue actually matters to as you answer the questions. When you are done you will be given a percentage rating for each of the top six presidential candidates. Use the information as you wish. Me, I decided to do more research on my top three

2.     www.opensecrets.org

A must see. This is where you go to see who’s receiving funding and from where. Why does this matter? Well, if a person/organization donates money to a politician it’s usually because they believe that the politician will push through legislation that benefits the donator. Since large sums are often involved its pretty safe for you to share their assumption. It’s a good idea to make sure that your best interest are in line with theirs.

3.     www.factcheck.org

Politicians aren’t exactly known for their straightforward and unbiased answers to questions but this site can help you find the truth (if there is any) in their words. Among other things the site has articles analyzing all three of the presidential debates for false or misleading statements. The only downside of the site is its lack of coverage on 3^rd party candidates, which I suppose is a side effect of the overall lack of media coverage on them.

4.     http://ballotpedia.org

This was my go to site for information about the other things I might find on my ballot. It’s fairly easy to use. Just click on the ballot measure link located on the left side of the home screen. From here you can scroll down the list of dates to November and then through an alphabetical list of states until you find your own. As an absentee voter, I was not completely up to date on all of the issues on the ballot and being able to research them before I voted helped me make a more informed decision.

5.     http://votesmart.org

This site has a wealth of information.  My favorite part is a search bar that allows you to use your zip code to access all of your candidates, their biographies voting records, issue position etc.  

My "Wasted" Vote

Tonight I will vote (absentee ballot) and when I do I will cast my vote for a 3^rd party presidential candidate.  I initially decided to vote this way after realizing that I was trying to decide which major party candidate I liked less. The thought disturbed me. Is this what the founders had in mind, decade after decade of presidents who we disliked less? I didn’t think so, and therefore I began to do some research, determined to find a candidate that I could actually believe in (even if it meant I would have to write a name in). I was surprised to find that there were more active presidential candidates then I had initially realized.  I did some reading and some fact checking and then I chose the candidate I really believed had the best record/platform.  In truth this process was both easier and more rewarding then I thought it would be.  

Unfortunately, while I was pleasantly surprised to find a candidate I liked, it was far less pleasant to experience people’s reaction to my decision. According to many, I might as well not vote if I intended to vote 3^rd party. Both online and off I have met with a mix of negative reactions ranging from the conclusion that I was naive to the conclusion that I was stupid. It was these reactions, which have led me to write this particular piece defending my decision. The following is not meant to sway you away from a candidate you believe in, however, if like myself you not sure you can believe in what the democrats and republicans are selling, then I encourage you not to give in but to stand up.  If you are part of what I believe to be a silent majority then the following arguments are for you.

1.     Voting for the lesser of two evils is still a vote for evil.  In recent years I have heard (and I acknowledge have even said) “I am voting for the lesser of two evils” far more than I am comfortable with. The problem with voting for the lesser of two evils is that the result is still evil. Sure we may slow the rate at which our country heads down the wrong path but we’re still on the wrong path.  From here on out I do not vote for evil. 

2.    Voting “against the other guy” is a less productive form of protest.  So you don’t like either candidate.  Still, you figure you have to choose A or B and you surely don’t want A to get elected so you choose B. Let me explain why this form of protest voting is ineffective. First, by voting against A instead of for a candidate you want, you unintentionally tell B (and his party) that you are happy with the job he is doing. This means that in elections to come you will be provided with the same sort of choices. Don’t reinforce poor politics by voting “against” the candidate you most dislike. It is far more effective to vote for a candidate you believe in, even if they haven’t a hope in hell of winning. When third party candidates start receiving enough votes to pull from the Democrats and the Republicans both parties sit up and take notice. If they wish to continue to win they have to find a way to take back some of those third party votes. This generally means adopting some of the 3rd party's platform on issues that pulled your vote in the first place. This in the long run only serves to make both parties better. More importantly it serves to keep the party you are most in agreement with informed of your desires as a citizen. 

3.    Stop The Spiral of Silence.  “The Spiral of Silence” refers to a political science/mass communication theory that seeks to explain in part how public opinion is formed. The theory was originally introduced by Elisabeth Noelle-Neumann in 1974 and continues to be used today in a variety of studies. In the simplest terms that theory tells us that people who believe that their opinions are in the minority are less likely to express those opinions publicly out of fear of isolation. As a result of this silence the “perceived” distance between public opinion and personal opinion grows thus increasing the number of people who remain silent. I believe that we are witnessing a silencing spiral in our current political system.  As the two major parties move ever further away from each other on major issues, those of us somewhere in the middle become less and less vocal and therefore encourage further movement to the left or the right. Voting 3^rd party allows those pushed into silence to make their opinions public and in doing so turn the spiral around. As more of us speak out, more of us will feel empowered to add our voice and end silence.

4.    If this is “winning” I would rather lose. By far the most common argument I heard against third party voting was the “they can’t win” argument. It goes like this: Since a 3^rd party candidate has little chance of winning you are better off voting for the candidate who most closely resembles your ideals.  In part this argument relies on your disliking one candidate more than the other. Both major parties hope that you are so concerned about the other party’s choice that you will vote for their piss poor excuse of a candidate rather than risk tilting the vote in favor of the other guy. I will not bore you by restating my argument against this kind of protest voting but I will ask you to consider this: Is this what winning looks like? We have been falling victim to this line of reasoning for decades and what has it gotten us? Furthermore, would you accept such reasoning in other areas of your life? Should we just get rid of all of the sports teams that don’t rank 1^st or 2^nd  leaving only the top two contenders to duke it out? Seems to me the only people benefitting from such a proposal are the top two teams. What about the rest of us. Personally, I would rather lose than stop fighting.

Let me close by saying that I believe in democracy and I am personally tired of the self-serving government that we the people have helped to create. This year I will “waste” my vote on a losing candidate, secure in the knowledge that that I am backing my conscience and not just a projected winner. I hope that no matter your politics you too take this opportunity to review the performance of your elected officials and tell them loud and clear what it is you really want. In the words of John Quincy Adams “Always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost.”

Please feel free to leave your comments, questions and concerns below.

“Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress.”

Mohandas K. Gandhi

The GOP, Marriage, and Constitutional Rights

According to their published 2012 platform the GOP believes in “restoring a constitutional government” so do I, however, they try to tie a constitutional act defining marriage into this “belief in a constitutional government”. WHAT! Listen up GOP I have read the constitution many times over and while it does provide for the creation of amendments (Article V), The Bill of Rights (you know those first 10 amendments without which the constitution would have never been ratified… thank you Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New York and Virginia), provide for my religious freedom (amendment I). If an amendment defining marriage isn’t an amendment infringing on my religious freedom I don’t know what is. Please give me one good reason why there should be an amendment defining marriage as a heterosexual act aside from the fact that you don’t agree with homosexuality on a personal/religious level… haven’t got one? Then back off! They also go on to say that they consider our states to be “the laboratories of democracy from which the people propel our nation forward, solving local and state problems through local and state innovations.” Well if that’s the case then why bother, let the states handle it as they see fit.  The only truly republican argument here should be that this is a state issue (According to the 10^th amendment “The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.”). Of course this argument is a tough one to defend.

I myself previously held that the issue of homosexual marriage was a state issue. I believed that the people of each state should be allowed to decide how they felt about this for themselves and vote accordingly.  After much research, discussion and thought on this issue however, I have changed my previous position. It appears to me that this issue is unarguably one of “equal rights” so the question is “Do current state laws concerning marriage deny a portion of the population its 14^th amendment rights?” I believe that the answer is yes. Why am I allowed the benefits and protections of marriage (or adversely the limits and dangers) while another portion of the population is denied this? Since I have yet to hear any arguments against homosexual marriage that are not based solidly in personal religious/moral beliefs and since we each have the right to believe as we choose, it seems clear to me that there is no reason for this infringement.

I know that at this very moment somebody is trying to make the erroneous argument that allowing homosexual marriage would mean also having to allow people to marry animals etc. “Where does it stop!” they are a wailing. Please spare me the dramatics. It stops among consenting adults. Animals can’t say, “I do” therefore they don’t. This is also the reason 8 year olds can’t get married or complain about job discrimination (your ridiculous example deserves an equally ridiculous example). I admit that the allowance of homosexual marriage opens us up to all kinds of changes and new (real) problems to solve (i.e. how might this effect the current social security system) but I have faith that we can work through it all.

Please feel free to leave your comments, questions and concerns below.

“Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress.”

Mohandas K. Gandhi

Neither a Possession Nor an Extension

“Oh, I could never be separated from my child that long.”  This phrase has been the theme song of my summer. Every time I inform someone that my 7-year-old daughter is away for the summer, some version of this sentiment is uttered. Sometimes the sentiment sounds sympathetic as if the speaker is saying, “You poor dear, I know it must be killing you” but most of the time the judgment in the statement is clear. What people really mean is “I would never allow my child out of my sight for such a long period of time at such a young age.” However, despite the many parents who clearly find my parenting skills inferior to their own, I am quite proud of my daughter, my husband, and myself.

            First, my daughter. I can’t pretend that I am not impressed by how much she is growing and how quickly. Just last year, I couldn’t drop her off at girl scouts without pinky swearing a hundred times or more that I would return quickly. Now here she is spending an entire summer without me. Admittedly she is with family not strangers but still her independence makes me proud. She has handled herself well and despite finding herself in the center of a small family drama she has not once broke down and begged to come home. I suppose many would question my lack of concern at the fact that my daughter doesn’t seem to miss me but to them I say, “there is a significant difference between missing someone and desperately clinging to them.” Besides, my time as her guardian is finite, I will not always be with her and more importantly I will not live forever. It is encouraging to me that she is o.k. without me.

            My husband has also been amazing. This is after all, the longest she and I have been separated. He has spent the whole summer walking the fine line between keeping me grounded in reality and being sensitive to how difficult it has been for me. His job has meant that this is not the first or even the longest separation for him and I have found his experience and empathy invaluable. I must also admit that it has been nice to reconnect as a couple and not just as a couple of parents. He is a good husband and a good father and we are both better people for having him in our lives.

            Finally, I am proud of myself. Yes it was hard to be separated from my daughter for so long but what she and I both gained in return is invaluable. She was able to spend two and a half months with family members she usually only sees on holidays. Family members who where instrumental in making me the person I am today. I have no doubt that they have as much if not more to offer her then they did me.  For myself, I was able to come to terms with the knowledge that I don’t own my daughter, nor can I protect her from everything. She is a beautiful, strong, brilliant little person, but she is her own person neither a possession nor extension of myself. My job is to love and protect her until she is ready to find her own way. I am proud that I was able to put my own emotional neediness aside long enough to allow her this opportunity. I know the day will come when she will leave my home for good and when it does I know that neither of us will fall apart.

Please feel free to leave your comments, questions and concerns below.

“Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress.”

Mohandas K. Gandhi

In Honor of the New School Year (from a home school perspective)

Yesterday was the first day of the new school year for many of the kids in my area. In honor of that occasion, I have listed below ten things I am grateful that I don’t have to deal with anymore. 

10. New “School” clothes:

While my child still grows like all other children, our new clothes shopping experience is not artificially regulated in the fall. When you’re home schooled nobody cares if you wear last years jeans on the first day. 

9.  Marking all of my daughters supplies with her name:

I’m just not that likely to accidently take her stuff.

8. Buying more boxes of tissue and hand sanitizer then my child would ever go through in one year:

You wipe your kids nose and I will wipe mine.

7. Lunch Money:

We haven’t started charging yet.

6. Her new teacher anxieties:

Same old teacher as last year; it doesn’t really matter if she likes her or not.

5. My new teacher anxieties:

I already know all her teacher’s qualifications and shortcomings.

4. After school homework: 

It’s all homework and its usually done before noon.

3. Bullies who tease harass or abuse:

We just don’t invite them over.

2. Parent Drop-off and Pick-up lines:

Seriously those things are terrible. I’m not sure there is anything worse than an intentionally created traffic jam.

1. Having summer ended before we’re ready:

Isabella is still enjoying her visit with family in Idaho and I am still enjoying mid-day motorcycle rides.

*Disclaimer* - This is not meant to be negative commentary on the public school system (not that I don't have any) it is simple one mothers celebration. May you all (public, private, or home school) find joy in the little things.

Please feel free to leave your comments, questions and concerns below.

“Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress.”

Mohandas K. Gandhi

Humble Pie and the Power of Perception

We have all heard it said that what you think about comes about. I have always loved this saying and the many others like it. It rings true to the psychology/communication student in me.  As a matter of fact I often find myself explaining to those around me “perception is reality”. If I perceive it to be true then I will act and react as if it were true. In turn you will act and react to my behavior and thus we two will make my perception our reality.  Despite my understanding of and belief in this concept, I was nonetheless taken back recently when I was presented with evidence of its affects on my own life. A few years ago (during a semester long course titled Sex and Gender) I came to the realization that I, and all of womankind with me, were doing twice the work that men were.  Women, I was told, were often working two jobs, one in the workplace, and one in the home. I latched onto this bit of information quite readily. I also made sure to file it away in my head, so that it could be accessed any time I had to run miscellaneous errands, clean the house, or take responsibility for the more mundane tasks of parenting. “Clearly”, I told myself, “even stay-at-home mothers such as myself work twice as hard as any man.” After all, his job comes with evenings and weekends off, my work on the other hand, never ceases.  I started by grumbling under my breath, then a little more loudly and finally I became so worked up that I would often announce to my husband, as I was doing chores “I am not being paid enough to work as your secretary, nanny, or maid!”  And so it was, I became the victim of a male dominated society. I began to see and present myself as just one of the many generations of mistreated women.  My husband played his part as well. Although he did not take on many of my chores, he showed sufficient shame for his part in my “victimization”. He would occasionally apologize for all I have to do, help where he could, and thank me often for my choice to continue putting up with my “situation.”

Then, about two weeks ago, the current issue of Time magazine showed up in my mailbox with the headline “Chore Wars”.  I did not even bother to read the subtitle, I just opened the magazine and searched out the story, convinced that this article like the many I read before it would announce to the world just how hard I, and other women were working. Boy was I wrong. Turns out that, while my grandmother and even my mother may have had something to complain about, I do not.  When you account for time spent at work and spent working at home, men and women are putting in nearly equal hours. Mother’s with full-time jobs are still doing more than there fair share (averaging about 73 hours a week to Dad’s 68) but the gap is closely rapidly. As for myself, it turns out that on average stay at home moms are logging about 58 hours of work compared to their husband’s average 68. I was shocked but quickly put it out of my mind and continued with life as usual. That was until last night. I was doing dishes while listening to an audio book, when the author suggested that a majority of dissatisfaction could be traced back to our attachment to our own ideas about what “should be”. I immediately thought of the Time magazine article and looking for some discussion on the subject, I asked my dear husband if he had read it. “No,” he responded “But I did notice that you left the magazine open to the article as a less then subtle hint”. I am not going to lie, for a brief second I considered not telling him what the article actually said.  Then I felt genuinely ashamed.  When I explained that articles actual findings he of course gloated, but only briefly. This morning I got up and made breakfast, as I do every morning. However, this morning, I made myself some humble pie. I ate silently and gratefully. Grateful to all the women who came before and fought so hard for the domestic equality that I experience and grateful to my husband, who never disagreed when I suggested that I worked harder then he did and who even this morning, thanked me for his meal before heading out the door.

The time magazine article “Chore Wars” can be found at:

http://www.time.com/time/subscriber/article/0,33009,2084582,00.html

Please feel free to leave your comments, questions and concerns below.

“Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress.”

Mohandas K. Gandhi