We have all heard it said that what you think about comes about. I have always loved this saying and the many others like it. It rings true to the psychology/communication student in me. As a matter of fact I often find myself explaining to those around me “perception is reality”. If I perceive it to be true then I will act and react as if it were true. In turn you will act and react to my behavior and thus we two will make my perception our reality. Despite my understanding of and belief in this concept, I was nonetheless taken back recently when I was presented with evidence of its affects on my own life. A few years ago (during a semester long course titled Sex and Gender) I came to the realization that I, and all of womankind with me, were doing twice the work that men were. Women, I was told, were often working two jobs, one in the workplace, and one in the home. I latched onto this bit of information quite readily. I also made sure to file it away in my head, so that it could be accessed any time I had to run miscellaneous errands, clean the house, or take responsibility for the more mundane tasks of parenting. “Clearly”, I told myself, “even stay-at-home mothers such as myself work twice as hard as any man.” After all, his job comes with evenings and weekends off, my work on the other hand, never ceases. I started by grumbling under my breath, then a little more loudly and finally I became so worked up that I would often announce to my husband, as I was doing chores “I am not being paid enough to work as your secretary, nanny, or maid!” And so it was, I became the victim of a male dominated society. I began to see and present myself as just one of the many generations of mistreated women. My husband played his part as well. Although he did not take on many of my chores, he showed sufficient shame for his part in my “victimization”. He would occasionally apologize for all I have to do, help where he could, and thank me often for my choice to continue putting up with my “situation.”
Then, about two weeks ago, the current issue of Time magazine showed up in my mailbox with the headline “Chore Wars”. I did not even bother to read the subtitle, I just opened the magazine and searched out the story, convinced that this article like the many I read before it would announce to the world just how hard I, and other women were working. Boy was I wrong. Turns out that, while my grandmother and even my mother may have had something to complain about, I do not. When you account for time spent at work and spent working at home, men and women are putting in nearly equal hours. Mother’s with full-time jobs are still doing more than there fair share (averaging about 73 hours a week to Dad’s 68) but the gap is closely rapidly. As for myself, it turns out that on average stay at home moms are logging about 58 hours of work compared to their husband’s average 68. I was shocked but quickly put it out of my mind and continued with life as usual. That was until last night. I was doing dishes while listening to an audio book, when the author suggested that a majority of dissatisfaction could be traced back to our attachment to our own ideas about what “should be”. I immediately thought of the Time magazine article and looking for some discussion on the subject, I asked my dear husband if he had read it. “No,” he responded “But I did notice that you left the magazine open to the article as a less then subtle hint”. I am not going to lie, for a brief second I considered not telling him what the article actually said. Then I felt genuinely ashamed. When I explained that articles actual findings he of course gloated, but only briefly. This morning I got up and made breakfast, as I do every morning. However, this morning, I made myself some humble pie. I ate silently and gratefully. Grateful to all the women who came before and fought so hard for the domestic equality that I experience and grateful to my husband, who never disagreed when I suggested that I worked harder then he did and who even this morning, thanked me for his meal before heading out the door.
The time magazine article “Chore Wars” can be found at:
http://www.time.com/time/subscriber/article/0,33009,2084582,00.html
Please feel free to leave your comments, questions and concerns below.
Mohandas K. Gandhi
No comments:
Post a Comment