“Oh, I could never be separated from my child that long.” This phrase has been the theme song of my summer. Every time I inform someone that my 7-year-old daughter is away for the summer, some version of this sentiment is uttered. Sometimes the sentiment sounds sympathetic as if the speaker is saying, “You poor dear, I know it must be killing you” but most of the time the judgment in the statement is clear. What people really mean is “I would never allow my child out of my sight for such a long period of time at such a young age.” However, despite the many parents who clearly find my parenting skills inferior to their own, I am quite proud of my daughter, my husband, and myself.
First, my daughter. I can’t pretend that I am not impressed by how much she is growing and how quickly. Just last year, I couldn’t drop her off at girl scouts without pinky swearing a hundred times or more that I would return quickly. Now here she is spending an entire summer without me. Admittedly she is with family not strangers but still her independence makes me proud. She has handled herself well and despite finding herself in the center of a small family drama she has not once broke down and begged to come home. I suppose many would question my lack of concern at the fact that my daughter doesn’t seem to miss me but to them I say, “there is a significant difference between missing someone and desperately clinging to them.” Besides, my time as her guardian is finite, I will not always be with her and more importantly I will not live forever. It is encouraging to me that she is o.k. without me.
My husband has also been amazing. This is after all, the longest she and I have been separated. He has spent the whole summer walking the fine line between keeping me grounded in reality and being sensitive to how difficult it has been for me. His job has meant that this is not the first or even the longest separation for him and I have found his experience and empathy invaluable. I must also admit that it has been nice to reconnect as a couple and not just as a couple of parents. He is a good husband and a good father and we are both better people for having him in our lives.
Finally, I am proud of myself. Yes it was hard to be separated from my daughter for so long but what she and I both gained in return is invaluable. She was able to spend two and a half months with family members she usually only sees on holidays. Family members who where instrumental in making me the person I am today. I have no doubt that they have as much if not more to offer her then they did me. For myself, I was able to come to terms with the knowledge that I don’t own my daughter, nor can I protect her from everything. She is a beautiful, strong, brilliant little person, but she is her own person neither a possession nor extension of myself. My job is to love and protect her until she is ready to find her own way. I am proud that I was able to put my own emotional neediness aside long enough to allow her this opportunity. I know the day will come when she will leave my home for good and when it does I know that neither of us will fall apart.
Please feel free to leave your comments, questions and concerns below.
Mohandas K. Gandhi
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